Mitt Romney's new 'Jihad' ad made me want to simultaneously tear my hair out and throw the remote at the tv. This would have a) hurt, and b) cost me money, so I decided against it.
Instead, for your amusement, I have channeled my pent-up rage and despair into shockingly bad interpretive haiku.
"It's this century's nightmare - "
Romney's time machine,
it gets a workout, indeed.
Twenty-fifty-three?
"Jihadism - violent, radical, Islamic fundamentalism"
Speech writer: "Too short;
proper descriptions have more.
Room for fascistic?"
"Their goal is to unite the world under a single jihadist caliphate."
Shiites want no part
of a world-wide caliphate.
But facts are boring.
"To do that, they must collapse freedom-loving nations, like us."
Islamofascists
are stronger than Communists.
Fear is the answer!
"As president, I'll strengthen our intelligence services, increase our military by at least a hundred thousand, and monitor the calls Al-Qaeda makes into America."
"Computers, soldiers,
foreign policy is not."
Yoda reveals all.
"And we can and will stop Iran from acquiring nuclear weapons."
Mahmoud is crazy.
But I can be crazier.
Watch me threaten war!
"I'm Mitt Romney, and I approve this message."
The background music
was faint, yet inspiring, no?
I will go cry now.