March 08, 2005
Jesse McDonald
Jesse McDonald is one of the many people I want to eulogize, but don't have the right to. I simply don't know enough about the man to do him anything even approximating justice, and that lack of knowledge is my own fault. After all, he's been at LeTourneau as long as I have. I've had three and a half years to get to know him, but I haven't. But even while acknowledging I don't know him well enough to do this properly, I also admire him enough to do it anyway. After all, as Chesterton said, "Anything worth doing at all is worth doing badly."
As I said, Jesse entered LeTourneau the same year I did, the fall of 2001. He was part of our first "Honors" class. Jesse is one of the most inconspicuous people I know, and one of the quietest. His habit (that I've seen anyway) is to sit in the back of the classroom, never speaking, watching everything that goes on with a unique intensity. Jesse has the brightest eyes of anyone I know. As soon as I saw those eyes, I knew that I wanted to know this man. Why didn't I? Lots of reasons ... just check normal apathy and life at the top of them. I mean, what are you doing to say, "You have the most fascinating eyes, and that makes me suspect that what you're thinking inside is something amazing and special that I want to know."? Jesse is also the reason I use Linux now - not only did he actually loan me the Debian DVDs, but it was his interest in Linux that first brought my attention to the operating system. It was him giving me an account on his computer and teaching me how to reach it that opened my eyes up to the power and glory of the Linux/Unix command prompt. Jesse was never as pushy or self-righteous about Linux as many of its defenders are, but he was always willing to make a reasoned defense of it against any charge anyone could bring. He loves Linux instead of hating Windows.
Jesse is a genius, plain and simple. Geniuses are not as common as one might think, but every school has a few, and Jesse is one of them. His mastery of computers is unparalleled at our school. There are many good programmers and computer-knowledgeable people here at this school, but Jesse exceeds them all. Jesse is our very best in the field of Computer Science - I'm not aware of anyone even being close to his level of mastery.
Several times over the years, he's shown me the programs he's working on. I've never ceased to be amazed. I remember his showing me is project for using neural networks to conquer the game "Go", and his program again using those networks to guide tanks. His work has always been fascinating to me. I often had the strange sense when he showed me those things that he was looking for a friend. Someone to appreciate what he was doing. Someone who could understand what went into it. I don't know, that's just the thought I had at the time. I wish I'd taken him up on that offer. Most of the time I would gape in amazement and them politely excuse myself and go tell my room-mate (or my future wife-to-be) what awesome projects he was working on. He is probably the smartest person person I know. He is also the most humble. And his humility isn't the publically self-effacing kind, but the quiet, reserved kind. He doesn't see the need to prove his knowledge. He's perfectly willing to let himself be unnoticed. His humility is the real kind, because it's the kind that isn't quite aware that it's humble.
Jesse has a lot of surprising sides. He attends praise and worship regularly, though I don't know if I've ever heard his voice there. I imagine he sings, but quietly. He does everything quietly. He is an awesome sword-fighter - I've had the chance to cross blades with him a time or two. Jesse is one of the rarest people I know of.
To some degree, I wonder whether or not I should even call attention to him in this way. I want to tell you about him because I think he's an awesome, special person, but I'm not sure what he would think (which is why, of course, I'll send this to him before I post it). Jesse McDonald makes me want to stop, to watch, to listen, the way he does. He makes me wish my eyes were as bright and interested as his are. He makes me want to be like him, and our personalities are almost totally different.
I admire him for a lot of things. I admire his skill with computers - they're nothing short of phenomenal. I admire the quiet way he lives his life - there's something beautiful and attractive and powerful in it. I admire his thoughts when I've heard them. The man does speak, just seldom. And when he does, it's worth listening to. It's worth remembering. He, at least, is one of the people who know the value of silence. I admire the way he walks, politely bowing his head to the people he meets, the way he smiles when he sees me, and his funny moustache. Jesse McDonald is a special person, and I like him.
