It's strange. Sometimes I feel as if I'm reliving my first semester...counting down the weeks until I'm done and can leave, get away from things. It's sort of a good and bad thing and it is obviously different this go-round because I have all these friends that I'm going to miss being around so often, and yet, I'm ready to move on and start a new life. This semester has held relational trials of all sorts with different people, and it's kind of nice to look back and see how God pulled me through and how I was better prepared (in some ways) to deal with things after that my freshman spring semester. (that semester was particularly rough...another story for another day) It's also strange to reflect upon how my emotional section has developed in the last four years.... Again, from my point of view for good and bad. I don't get bogged down in depression quite as easily and I'm better at dealing with emotional stress; I'm also better at not overempathsizing with friends. Taking friends' burdens upon oneself is good if one is able to give them up to God when the friend is too weak. But one cannot keep a part of that burden and I used to do that. Yet, I also feel an emotional hardening--sort of good for being a teacher, but sort of not good either in that I feel too removed and more callous than I'd like to be with different things. And then I begin to think about my relationship with God. I have grown spiritually in the last four years, but I don't feel as spirtually discliplined as I should be. It's crazy how I notice the parallels in my relationship with God to my relationship with others. An overly independent and prideful nature is hard to beat back. In fact, I can't do it myself and I need God to do it. But yet, that same nature distracts me from getting the strength I need at times.
*sigh* oh to be human.
Posted by Anna at April 6, 2005 06:32 PM | TrackBack