Learning to trust in God is hard.
After having a great start to the month of May by spending time with my husband and house hunting and interviewing for three jobs and then spending a wonderful mother's Day with my older brother and his family, this week was really hard on me because i didn't get either of the two teaching positions. I haven't heard anything from the publishing company. I've emailed some principals about other open positions and haven't heard back from either of them.
I know in my head that I shouldn't worry and that God is going to place me where he wants me in his own timing, but it was still rough on the feeling part of me with self-esteem. Some of my classes have me at the point of giving up on them (not all students, just some) because I'm so tired of dragging them through Algebra and forcing them in during afternoons to do work so they don't fail. I shouldn't have to do more work than them. I shouldn't be responsible for making them pass. (helping them yes, making them, no.) I have made progress with some of them though. But when I have a class or two that take all my energy and patience to deal with, it's hard. I have other classes that practically require no energy from me because they're really good. I should be able to fire students from their job as students.
Enough venting though because that will only probably encourage the depressed me to come back just as I'm starting to gain hold of positive confidence and trust again. I know that there is still plenty of time to get a teaching position, and maybe subbing for a year and getting my foot in the door and learning the area wouldn't be so bad. Since I'd be losing my student loan forgiveness anyways, I could also sub for a year while getting ready to go to grad school.
See. positive thoughts. the Eazy street just isn't for me.