March 26, 2004

The Wench Commandments

And the Wench spoke all these words:
"I am the Wench thy Wench, which brought the out of the land of Singleness, and into the House of Bondage.

  1. Thou shalt have no other Wench before me.
  2. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any other wench that is in year above, or that is in the year beneath, or that is in the year thou art in.
    Thou shalt not talk thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the Wench thy Wench am a jealous Wench, visiting the iniquity of the male upon their children unto the third and fourth generation of them that ignore me. And shewing food unto thousands of them that serve me, and keep my whims.
  3. Thou shalt not take the name of the Wench thy Wench unmannerly*; for the Wench will not hold him guiltless that taketh her name unmannerly.
  4. Remember the Wench's day, to keep it faithfully. Six days shalt thou labor and do all thy homework, But the Wench day is the day of the Wench thy Wench: in it thou shalt not do any homework, thou, nor thy room-mate, nor thy suitemate, thy friend, nor thy Professor, nor thy fish, nor thy Previewer that is within thy room: For in six days the Wench let you do homework, let you do schoolwork, and let you work at your job and all the work that is in it, and she appointed you to take her out on the seventh day: wherefore the Wench blessed the seventh day, and hallowed it.
  5. Honour thy Wench's father and thy Wench's mother: that thy days may be long upon the home which the Wench thy Wench may give unto thee.
  6. Thou shalt not kill thy Wench's siblings.
  7. Thou shalt not commit adultery with/against thy Wench.
  8. Thou shalt not steal food from thy Wench.
  9. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy Wench (only for thy Wench).
  10. Thou shalt not covet any male's wench-house, thou shalt not covet any male's wench, nor his wench-food, nor his wench-candy, nor his wench-pictures, nor his wench**, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's and wench-related."

And the male saw the thunderings, and the lightnings, and the noise of the Wench, and the Wench smoking: and when the male saw it, he removed, and stood afar off. And he said unto the Wench's friend, Speak thou with me, and I will hear: but let not the Wench speak with me, lest I die. And her friend said unto the male, Fear not: for the Wench is come to prove you, and that her fear may be before your face, that ye sin not.
- Wenchedus 20:1-20

*This word intentionally left ambiguous
**Repeated for emphasis

Posted by Moore at March 26, 2004 04:26 PM