Today would have been my sister's sixteenth birthday. If my sister was still alive, I would probably have gone home to see everyone for an hour or two. I am not sure what kind of car my parents had been planning on getting her before she was killed, but I know that I would have gone for a short ride in it. Today would be very different.
I knew that this day was coming. I've been trying to brace myself for it for a couple of weeks now. I had thought, "Ok, Randy, it is fine if you want to be sad or grieve, but you are going to not even think about it until after your Circuits test." I had been doing fairly well at staying focused during my walk down to Glaske. Every time any thought dealing with my sister entered my head I quickly pushed it to the back of my mind.
And then I saw "Happy Birthday Jessica" written in chalk in front of Glaske. I felt like I had just been punched in the stomach. I stopped and stared, and I successfully fought back tears. Since I had walked down early to do some last minute studying, I had time to fight back the emotion and keep it under control for my test.
From other chalked sidewalk squares, I have learned that it is Jessica White's (aka Pixie) birthday. I have no idea who this person is. I don't know her age, her residence hall, her major, or anything about her. All I know is that her birthday falls on the same day as Jessica Ross's once did, and there is the possibility that I will have to face "Happy Birthday Jessica" chalk messages every November 5th. Is this just a coincidence, or is there some subtle message I just haven't picked up yet?
I miss my sister. I miss her more than anyone but those who have lost siblings can imagine. The worst part is that I know this feeling will only grow stronger over time.
Posted by Randy at November 5, 2003 12:19 PM