Well, here I am again. If I had absolutely anything to do, I probably wouldn't update this nearly as much.
I don't know if you could tell from my post from after midnight last night, but I wasn't able to go to sleep on my own. I never knew that sleeping pills could work so effectively. I feel much better today. I think that I had been holding in too much emotion for too long. That "outburst" last night helped me more than I can say.
The people on my floor just thought that I drank a lot of Dr. Pepper. I have drank an incredible amount since I've been here. I know that it probably isn't very healthy, but I don't care about that at the moment.
My parents went up to the funeral home again today. They needed to check on the arrangements and check the obituary or something like that. I don't know if I need to open up more to my parents about this or not. I am afraid to, because I don't want them to think that I am taking this badly, although I'm sure that they already do. I've been trying to be "the strong one" to all of my family members, but it is so hard.
Right now, Bonnie and some other woman are talking about Jessica almost right behind me. "At least she went out doing what she loved." That is true. I guess that is kind of a consolation. I'll miss her. I am missing her. I'll never stop missing her.
Posted by Randy at April 14, 2003 03:41 PM