I think I am becoming numb to death. I must say it is a very weird feeling. Why do I believe I am becoming numb to death, you ask?
As I was sitting at my grandmother's house with the rest of my father's family, a strange thought kept running though my head. It shocked me at first, but I started thinking through it and it kept me occupied for quite some time.
As I sat there gazing at my relatives, I was thinking: "Who's next?"
As I'm sure you've picked up by now (if you come here often, anyway), a large number of people I've known have died in these past five or so years. I started to wonder what relative of mine would probably be the next to pass away.
Turning my eyes toward different family members, I analyzed risk factors surrounding all of them (including me) with a degree of coldness and a sense of objectivity that frightened me. The amount they travel, the content of their diet, the amount of exercize they get, the unhealthy things they do, and the risky things they go through formed lists in my head at an almost uncanny speed. Based on those lists in my head, I have guesses on which family members of mine will pass away next.
This all seemed to be very natural and calming when I was doing it. Looking back at it, however, makes it feel morbid and quite disturbing.
Posted by Randy at May 1, 2004 01:09 AM | TrackBack