Reading Jonathan's and David's blogs of late has inspired me to do the whole "take on my own friendships/relationships" bit. Here's the thing: I may appear extroverted and easy to get to know, but really I'm not. Oh sure, I love being around people and am very outgoing, but when it gets right down to it, the observant few start to notice that you may hang around me for months and hardly know me at all beyond what I let people know of me.
I often proudly display my philosophy of cynicism to the world around me. I preach it and attempt to proselytize others with fervant lectures on the evils of humanity and the supreme depravity of the people one knows. After all, how can you trust anyone else when you know that you can't be trusted yourself? And thus, my relationships progress. Sure, I have a lot of people who I know and even know a fair bit about... but few know me as anything other than that funny cloaked who hates happy people.
When it gets right down to it... it might be because I don't trust people... and then there's the part that I might not wnat people to trust me. Think about it, in an honest friendship with someone, when they trust you, you become responsible to uphold that trust. Now granted, this is nearly always a reciprocated thing... but upholding a trust is a fairly serious thing. And guaranteed, sooner or later you will break that trust. You are a sinful, flawed, depraved human and you will let friends down and they will let you down.
Can you deal with this? I don't know if I can or not some days.
Here's a passage on trust that I thought might be pertinent...
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?" Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really knew me, you would know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him." Philip said, "Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us."
Jesus answered: "Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been
among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, 'Show us the Father'? Don't you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves. I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. John 14:1-14 (NIV)
Disturbed Link of the Day: Twisted Poetry (thank Moore for this... not me)
Days Until I'm Gone Again: 2
Days of Living in a Shitty Apartment: 36
Days Until Summer is Over: 19
Days Since it Last Rained : ??