Throughout the course of my life, I have known few whom I trust with any details about my life and fewer still to whom I would even acknowledge that I had emotions, much less what they were. From a time early in my education, I was a cynic and deeply mistrusting of any efforts to ascertain who I was and how I thought.
Thus, it is with a clear head and a steady hand that I have allowed those whom I now gladly call 'friend' into my life and have allowed them to see a modicum of who I am. It is frequently difficult to overcome such instinctive fear of betrayal, skepticism of motives, and inability to trust... even in my interaction with my closest friends.
But it's nights like tonight where I come to understand that God didn't make us to live alone, as islands. When I can stand and pray with and for a close friend and truly empathize and feel the pain of another... this is a gift of God. When I can understand that I am His instrument and want to be used by him to heal another, even if it is at personal loss... this is a gift of God.
I feel so unspeakably blessed that God has seen fit to work through my cynicism and bitterness to allow me to by His instrument. That I might be entrusted with friends by God, this is truly an amazing thing.
Posted by Vengeful Cynic at January 26, 2004 01:28 AM | TrackBack