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Mr. Scorpio says productivity is up 2% and it's all because of my motivational techniques, like donuts and the possibility of more donuts to come.
-- Homer Simpson
You Only Move Twice
An OS/2 professional visits a seminar for Windows 95. During the practice lesson Bill Gates asks him: "What do you like about Windows 95?" He answers, "That YOU have to use it."
"A word to the wise: a credentials dicksize war is usually a bad idea on the net."
(David Parsons in c.o.l.development.system, about coding in C.)
Weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely
pointless.
-- Calvin
My life needs a rewind/erase button.
-- Calvin
Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.
BOFH Excuse #270:
Someone has messed up the kernel pointers
If God had intended Man to Walk, He would have given him Feet.
People usually get what's coming to them ... unless it's been mailed.
Nothing lasts forever.
Where do I find nothing?
Take me drunk, I'm home again!
Cold be hand and heart and bone,
and cold be sleep under stone;
never more to wake on stony bed,
never, till the Sun fails and the Moon is dead.
In the black wind the stars shall die,
and still on gold here let them lie,
till the dark lord lifts his hand
over dead sea and withered land.
-- J. R. R. Tolkien