The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: People Who Wear Clothes That Are Too Small
Look... I've about had it with crazy redneck ladies who are 300 pounds and wearing tube tops. To quote Dunny: "I feel like I need an enema for my brain." Wear clothes that fit. Tube tops work great for some and not for others. Look, I'm a big guy, I know this as well as anyone... little clothes don't look good on big people. It's damned scary and disgusting. So if you're one of the guilty people, stop it. Or else the Vengeance is coming.
What did I tell you Jenny? Who ended up with Stitch?
Thanks to all of the Bandits who made this possible: Gecko, Worm, Cowboy, Stu, Damian, and others... along with the Flooders: Gammonds and Yuill, and of course we have Shem. Shem was gracious enough to keep his wench in line through the whole fiasco. Oh, and thanks to Huizenga for providing pictures.
The story goes a little something like this.
Sam and I went up to ELH2 in search of Lisl. We found her in her room. Lisl stepped out of the room in search of Jenny for a moment and I asked Sam if he knew where Stitch might be. He said he thought he might and about then Lisl and Jenny came into the room and we shut up. We chatted for a while as Jenny sat on her bed... and then came the unmistakable shrill shouting of Stitch from Jenny's area of the room. Heads swiveled in her direction as she gave a big goofy grin and the noise repeated.
"Jenny, you know I could take that Stitch right now," I intoned, moving menacingly towards her bed. Lisl lept unto Jenny's bed and interposed herself between Jenny and I. I stepped back and mused that it would be great if Gecko was there, because he could help. We then chatted for 2 or 3 minutes on how great it would be if Gecko would show up. Jenny warned me not to get my hopes up because, to her knowledge, Gecko had never even been up there. And then who should show up but Worm and Cowboy?
I flagged them down and into Jenny and Lisl's room, tossing the Judge to Cowboy. I informed Worm of our situation and we proceeded to jump unto Jenny's bed along with Lisl and Jenny and try to reach to the back of the bed to where the sounds of Stitch had been coming from. A giant grapple ensued wherein I lost my hat, Sam joined in, and Cowboy stood at the door and watched. Five minutes l later, Worm had Stitch, I was holding Jenny back, another ELH-2 girl had joined in and was attempting to get to Worm, and Sam had Lisl. Worm pretended to toss Stitch out the window but secreted the doll into his jacket. Everyone bought this and we all ran out the door, save Cowboy and one or two others. Reaching the ground, we found Stitch not present.
Upon returning to ELH-2 I got my hat back but the Judge had gone missing. We talked for about 5 minutes, during which time Worm made known furtively to Cowboy and I that he had Stitch and we told the girls that Stitch had already been returned to 1B. Lisl and Sam sat talking in the room, the rest of us moved out into the hall. All of a sudden Sam got up and went into the bathroom, coming out of the adjoining room, Judge in hand. He handed the Judge to Cowboy, who took it and ran. Worm and I took this oppurtunity to leave.
Back on the floor we congratulated each other, I locked the Judge in my room and we hid Stitch elsewhere. Within 5 minutes, 5 girls from ELH-2 stormed 1B: Rose, Cynthia, Anna, Jenny and Lisl. They tried to find their lost possession or the Judge and once they failed that, tried to take something as collateral. They were thwarted at every turn, returning to ELH-2 with a stolen paperweight of Stu's and Gecko. Gecko was a willing prisoner and we figured he'd appreciate it, so we didn't really worry there. As far as the paperweight was concerned, Stu resolved to fix that problem himself.
In the end, we got Gecko back sans pants and Stu got his paperweight back. Victory for all...
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: Teachers and Administrators Who Waste My Time
You will note that I haven't had much of a chance to blog or to keep up with the forums of late. For that, I'd like to thank LU Administration and the 50 hoops I have to jump through to register for classes next semester along with my professors who keep assigning more homework. I love havinng my time sucked away against my will... honestly.
OK! Note to ALL: no more Chai for Toad.... EVER!!!
This evening has been spent, sitting here and observing Toad and Damian compete to see who can put their sock on with only their toes. Jeff and I have entreated them to use their hands, to no avail. Toad sat there and made chirping noises at us when we tried to use reason on him, Damian just mocked Toad. Interesting quotes from the evening include:
"Stupid big toe... you are too big... you suck." Toad to "that toe"
Toad: "Bah! That sucks. I hate it when the tongue does that... See, the tongue keeps falling in!"
Jeff: "That's why we have HANDS!"
...
Toad: "That's why I don't have my sock on... I don't have enough feet to put it on."
Jeff: "That's why you have HANDS!"
Damian: "I'd like to see you stick those wires in those little holes [on the breadboard]"
Toad: "Bah, I'd just use a soldering iron... putting it in the breadboard is too hard..."
Cynic: "Hit him"
Jeff: "He'd enjoy that too much... I'm tormenting him more by not hitting him."
Damian: "Damn you!"
Jeff: "OK! Note to ALL: no more Chai for Toad.... EVER!!!"
Cynic: "I'm going to take this piece of pumice and shove it down your throat."
Toad: "Bah! I have a shoe on..."
Toad: "Damian is a co-conspirator. A fellow in the faith of foot and toes!"
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: People Who Don't Make Time to Talk
Isn't it funny how you have so many friends and acquiantances who you'd love to talk to more and just never get the chance? I ought to start a list... people I want to talk with for at least an hour. That would be cool, except that it would be kinda freaky to post it here and if I write it down on paper, I'll lose it.
Suggestions?
An old Bandit friend Gary has had a blog for a while and I'm just now getting to publishing it. Sorry dude...
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: Jenny, Anna, and Lisl - common thieves
For those of you who haven't heard... for 15 minutes or so last night, the Judge was in the possession of ELH 2. Caleb was responsible for this atrocity in that I allowed him to use The Judge in my good benevolence and then he betrayed that trust by turning it over to Jenny. She ran, along with Lisl and Anna into ELH where I could not follow and proceeded to taunt me as I left.
However, my follow-up was swift and decisive and within 15 minutes, the Judge was back in my possession. I cannot divulge the exact details for several reasons including implication of allies and fear of SEVERE reaction by Res Life staff. Suffice to say, the Judge is in my hands now. What began as a mistake ended up as a clean victory for the Cynic. And never again shall fools be trusted to wield weapons of great import.
The Cynic Will Have a Drink For: Kenny Martens
Sometimes life sucks. Believe me, I've been there and often live there. So when I can have a drink, I'll have one in honor of everyone who could use one. And if your problem is women, I'll have two for you. Because one drink is never enough when there's a woman involved.
Guess who's #1 when I search for my full name? That's right, this site. So please, don't reference it as such. Don't need a Dang-type run-in with the 'rentz. Or my siblings or potential employers for that matter. Let's see if we can get it back to the 3rd or 4th page. And if Eliot were to reference it as such, that'd help too... but somehow I doubt I'm gonna get the rules to bend for lucky me.
Let me paraphrase what's below and do a bit of modern paralleling if you will allow...
Amos is preaching against Israel and telling her that the news is bad. Times suck and Amos is telling them how wicked they are and that God's gonna drop the hammer on them. The priest doesn't like it and tells the king on him and then tells Amos to get the hell out. Amos tells the priest to shove it and tells him more of what God wants them to hear.
This next part may offend some of you... consider why it offends you before you respond, but I always welcome dissenting viewpoints. Email me or comment if you disagree, or if you agree, or if you have comments.
Shem shows up on campus. Shem starts telling people how it is and doesn't sugar-coat things. People don't like that and start telling him to shut up and then whine to administration. Administration tells him to shut up. Shem finds more unbiblical things with every passing day.
The question now is, what will LU do about it? Will we keep going on and getting more screwed up as the days go by? Or will someone in MSC-2 finally own up and say, "Look, there are some seriously wrong things that we do around here and it needs to change. Our attitudes toward our students, toward the faculty, and toward the relationship between God and the campus community need to change."
I'm still waiting to see.
And students, wake the hell up! Shem is just the most recent casualty of students whose ideas don't mesh with administration who happen to be in IMPACT positions. Are you going to stand by and let the school go the way of Old Testament Israel? Or are you going to stand up and be counted, screw what happens to your happy little IMPACT position?
And one last thing. Since when did Bud, Chaplain Carl, Doug, and Dean start picking God's emissaries to His children on campus? Isn't that one of His prerogatives?
As an afterthought for some clarification: I'm not saying that I know God's will for the campus. I'm not saying I know who He picks to be His emmissaries in this place. I just have a hard time believing that all of the politics around here glorify Him and I think some of the stuff around here that administration is a part of isn't Godly and it isn't right. That's just my take... feel free to respond with yours.
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: Bad Leaders
Here's a passage in Amos that I just remembered as I was about to go to bed. Seems to speak pretty clearly about Shem's predicament...
Then Amaziah the priest of Bethel sent a message to Jeroboam king of Israel: "Amos is raising a comspiracy against you in the very heart of Israel. The land cannot bear all his words. For this is what Amos is saying:
"'Jereboam will die by the sword
and Israel will surely go into exile,
away from their native land.'"
Then Amaziah said to Amos, "Get out, you seer! Go back to the land of Judah. Earn your bread there and do your prophesying there. Don't prophesy anymore at Bethel, because this is the king's sanctuary and the temple of the kingdom."
Amos answered Amaziah, "I was neither a prophet nor a prophet's son, but I was a shepherd, and I also took care of sycamore-fig trees. But the Lord took me from tending the flock and said to me, 'Go, prophesy to my people Israel.' Now then, hear the word of the Lord. You say,
"'Do not prophesy against Israel,
and stop preaching against the house of Isaac.'
Therefore this is what the Lord says:
'Your wife will become a prostitute in the city,
and your sons and daughters will fall by the sword.
Your land will be measured and divided up,
and you yourself will die in a pagan country.
And Israel will certainly go into exile,
away from their native land'"
Amos 7:10-17 (NIV)
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: People Who Do/Cause Work When it's Clearly Slack Time
Incidentally, I guess I missed my 1000th visitor sometime this last week. You know who you are. If you have proof, send me an IM or email with the screenshot and I'll do something special-like. If not, oh well...
Break has been good, but not nearly long enough. Watch Boondock Saints, you'll enjoy it. And if you live in Longview, I have it and you need to watch it with me. Will be showing it when the majority of the world gets back later this weekend.
The New LU Forum is the place to be now, screw the general forums on IT's stuff. This way you can come, say as you wish, and express yourself without having the IT monkeys jump you. We're pretty much running a straight mass exodus with the guarantee that on OUR forums (we being the students who run it and myself loosely associated with them) there will be none of this admin lurking nonsense. That is, unless one of our fellow students sells out, and then we'll deal unto the turncoat like the US Government deals with treason.
And incidentally, Pizza Hut is good... we're going there at 12 or 12:30. IM me or call me if you want in and see this before then (and happen to be in Longview.) Can we say, $5 buffet right down the street?
I love weeks off. Except that I get nothing done except bumming around. You know what? I LIKE bumming around. And hence, this has been a good week. It would be a better one if I had some dew handy. Wally run time!
Note that I'm not complaining or ranting, because I've been out of school and class and generally away from LU. And thus, the idiocy hasn't been here to bother me much this week. Incidentally, sleep is good, Saga is bad, $5 pizza is good, and sleep is good too.
Parents are here for one more day. The food has been good, the company fairly good, and the lectures welcomely sparse. Gonna go find something to do now... send me good quotes, good links, and good wine... er... but not at LU. They might confiscate the wine and give it to Bud.
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: Ungrateful Fools
Last night I got back from dinner with my parents around 8:30 or something. We had gone to Tyler (because Longview sucks) and drove around a bit, before eating in some hole-in-the-wall Mexican place that was pretty good. So anyways, we got back and were sitting in the Tyler Lobby chatting...
Anna walks in and asks if I knew where some guy from Club was (don't ask names, I don't remember.) I didn't know but I went and checked and he wasn't there.
I got back and got a handle on what was going on. Apparently Anna was supposed to be going up to visit her sister in Nebraska and was supposed to have left Friday. She got just past the north edge of the loop when her power steering hose blew and she managed to get to some repair shop. So, that nixed that little road trip with her and some friends... or did it?
Jenny graciously volunteered to drive them to Paris, TX... where they would meet with a guy's mom (another forgotten name... Lindsay's boyfriend) and drive to Kansas. Problem being that Jenny would be making the 2.5 hour return trip at midnite through nowhere Texas all alone. So there was a search for someone to go with them. A valiant effort was made to scare up someone and in the end I was the volunteer.
The drive to Paris was interesting... Lilly and I got to discuss drugs and alcohol and wish that I had chloroform. And let's just say that when we were getting there, there was a bit of unwelcome backseat driving that was completely uncalled for. I'm not naming names or anything, far too many LUsers read this... but sometimes people just need to learn when to shut up.
Anyways, in the end Jenny and I dropped them off and had quite a pleasant ride back. Note to self: just because Texas has numbered a road and put a stop sign at the end of it, DOESN'T mean it's a road. Jenny said that there were roads in Congo better than this one.
Here's an amusing link... puts a smile on my face.
Update: link is broken... will put up proper link as soon as I can find it again.
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: LeTourneau Administration
Shem isn't gonna be a chaplain next year. Why am I not suprised they pulled this? As I've said so often, "Welcome to LeTourneau!" This would appear to be the place where real men of God and people of integrity are often feared by the spineless cowards who live up in MSC-2. God will that I never end up in the middle of those crosshairs, because it keeps becoming more apparent what little regard this administration has for anything other than their own "Master Plan." Whatever the hell that is...
Incidentally, my parents are here. What was the first comment out of my dad's mouth?
"This room is filthy son. Do you think you live in the ghetto or something?"
Thanks dad.
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: Profs Who Give Tests on Friday Before Break and Aren't Even There to Give Them
Well... t-minus 5 hours until my Bib. Lit. exam tomorrow and then I'm done for the week and Spring Break can finally come. Hummel is being a bastard and skipping town for Greece and leaving us a test. Wow Hummel, that's big of you. You know I appreciate it.
My prayers are with those who have already departed and who will soon be departing for the various parts of the world. Word has it that Jenny on ELH-2 (Lisl's roomie) has the $5 pizza coupons. So for all of you who are staying here for the next week with me, I figure that $5 is about the cheapest you're going to get a large pizza. Hell, that's about the best meal deal in town for next week.
And for those of you who are of the prayerful persuasion, my parents are coming down this weekend (Friday to Tuesday.) They've been separated for the past year and things are always interesting when I'm around both of them at the same time. I know God knows what He's doing, or at least I hope so... but if He could pick sometime soon to kick my dad's ass and bring him back around that would be a good thing. Funny to muse on one year ago...
A year ago yesterday, Batts decided that it would be a good idea for our 10-page group paper to be due the Tuesday following break. Good job, big guy. We appreciated that. But at least you didn't drop a pop TEST on us, so I guess I'm not too bitter.
A year ago next Sunday, after being back at school from home for 1 day, I got a call from my dad telling me that he was having marital problems and that he'd moved out of the house. And my straight-A semester went to hell in a handbasket. I went from having a scholarship and looking like I was gonna keep it to a barely-3.0 student. Damn, that sucked.
"No dad, it's not having any effect on me at all. No, I'm not pissed off at you for turning my life upside down. Really!"
Alright, that was my cathartic rant for the week. And for those of you who couldn't care less... leave. I'm not keeping you here.
Search engine hits of amusement:
Porn in East Texas
Texas Still Sucks
Now the question of the hour is, who is searching Earthlink for East Texas Pr0n? And for that matter... what kind of sick psycho would want to look at that kind of stuff anyways? East Texas Porn?!?
And how about that Texas Still Sucks stuff? I'm actually pretty cool with Texas, lest anyone think otherwise... Concealed carry permits, crazy people, home of Dallas Cowboys, who could ask for anything more?
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: Hateful Bigots
Uh-oh... it's link time. List of Bigoted Organization Links.
Pensacola Christian College
God Hates Fags
The Ku Klux Klan
...more to come as links are submitted or as I think of them.
Oddly enough, the KKK ISN'T blocked.
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: LU Accounting
Somehow $3000 of the money allotted to the Honduras Spring Break Mission trip went *poof* and got reallocated to the general LSM account. It took some determined harassment of LU Accounting by Lisl for them to give the money back to where it belonged (or at least most of it.) Forget Arthur Anderson, we got LU Accounting. Wait... don't we have a business department that TEACHES Accounting?
What the hell is going on over there? We need to make sure that people working at LU can pass a basic competancy exam before they start. That includes admin, accounting, and profs that can't speak a damned word of English.
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: Enetation
My commenting is down and I hate it. If you're going to be cynical of something, be cynical of those who want to give you something for nothing. In the end it will always screw you over. That would appear to be what is happening here. Maybe it's just that I jacked some settings up or something or there's a bug in the system. I guess we'll find out tomorrow.
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: Whoever Made this Women's History Month
What the hell? Last month was Black History Month, this is Women's History Month. Next month will be something like Queer Appreciation Month I bet. When will it be Straight White Protestant Male History Month?
I love all of the minorities and all, but I think it's a bit screwed up that we devote a whole month to each of them. Did anyone even notice Presidents' Day shoot by as we were focusing on black history?
Screw it all... this is the Manly Month of March. And whoever says otherwise can take it up with Gecko and I. Crackhead, you'll be happy to know that I just signed on in a move that I'll probably regret later.
This scares the shit out of me. And it's scarier that there are some guys at LU that are so infatuated and so disconnected from their brains that they would do something like this before even realizing what they were doing.
It would appear that Shem's whining and ranting has managed to dragoon Ardith and Anna into blogging. Sadly, they're both so damned happy that it's painful to read. Maybe we can tarnish their happy, sunny outlook on life and bring them to the Angst.
Here I sit at 6:30 am and muse upon life. Symphony was good... I went with Maria J and then went to Applebees' afterwards with a small group of Bandits, including Cowboy. Good food, good music, good company. Every now and again life does well...
And before I find some tarnish on this good event... I'll put it to rest. God bless and I'll be more cynical and scathing on Monday. Thanks for putting up for my brain on hiatus for the most part of last week.
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: False Advertisers
It strikes me as I sit here reading my last post that in my laughing attempt to sound like a sell-out, I sound strangely like an LU advertisement:
"Even though we're really good at Engineering, let's push Liberal Arts because that will get us more people. Wait, now let's push the fact that we have women and minorities even though we DON'T. But we can claim to be diverse with 1 woman : 4 guys and a percentage of minorities so small that one can hardly find them at all. But that's not important, come to LeTourneau. Pretty girls, pretty school, happy students, good Liberal Arts!"