October 31, 2004
Amusing Quip
Remembering that I endorse neither candidate, I found this joke amusing:
John Kerry visits a primary school classroom. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.The teacher asks Mr. Kerry if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy." So the illustrious
Senator asks the class for an example of a tragedy.
One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him that would be a 'tragedy'." "No," says Kerry, "that would be an
accident".A little girl raises her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."
"I'm afraid not," explains Mr. Kerry. "That's what we would call a 'great loss'."
The room goes silent. No other children volunteered. Kerry searches the room.
"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a 'tragedy'?"
Finally, at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice, he says: "If your campaign plane, carrying you, Mr. Kerry, were struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a 'tragedy'." "Fantastic!" exclaims Kerry. "That's right. And can you tell
me why that would be a 'tragedy'?""Well," says the boy "because it certainly wouldn't be a 'great loss' and it probably wouldn't be an accident' either."
October 30, 2004
Those Silly SC 41-ers
"yep, we're getting around"
-Sharptiano (speaking on behalf of himself, Barbour and Scott)
Pregnant Women
Last night there was a conversation in the Ice Cave regarding my being scared of pregnant women, their inherant instability, and the likelihood that they would take their wrath out on me. I had relatively few supporters, many perplexed onlookers, and even a couple of nay-sayers. This comic is kind of illustrative of the point I was driving at... kind of.
October 27, 2004
My Stated Objectives
1) Pave the downward spiral into hateful, black abyss of limitless Cynicism.
2) Individualized and instituitionalized misogyny and chauvinism
3) Abuse (verbally and physically) the general populace.
4) Engage in the continual purchasing of souls.
5) Machiavellian Machinations
6) Sell souls only to the most corrupt of buyers.
7) Prejudice... just prejudice.
8) Swearing, cursing, expletives, profanity, obscenity, foul speech...
9) Kicking small animals (children included.)
10) Champion Archaic and Obscure English, especially the terms "wench", "trollop", "guttersnipe", "broad"
11) Encourage archetyping, stereotyping, and wide-sweeping generalizing
12) Belittle, Berate, Besmirch, Begrudge, Beleaguer and BeaBastard
13) Aggression and Offensiveness (driving included)
14) Enslave and oppress
15) Deadly weapons... I'm in favor of them all
16) Aestheticism... sometimes art is just art.
17) Freudian Psychoanalysis
18) Exploitative Capitalism
19) Abusive Autocracy
More objectives to come as I come up with them or as they are suggested to me... current helpful contributors include Wheeler as well as anonymous muses...
3-Day Week
Day 1 of my wonderful 3-day week is down. I might have a lot of homework and other stuff to grind through, but at least it's only 3 days worth.
October 24, 2004
Great Stuff
Buy an election on e*bay. (family-friendly)
You too can be a Satanist in Her Majesty's navy. (work-safe)
Photoshopped WW2 propaganda posters. (don't do it Anna)
October 22, 2004
October 20, 2004
LiveJournal Fun
So yeah... Melby and Paige have been deserving of links for quite some time... but I haven't decided whether or not to sidebar them or hold out in the hopes that they get real blogs as opposed the the teenybopper LJ nonsense that they're both involved in now.
The Principal Sin
Since many of you are Intoverts and fail to understand the intricacies, I am going to explain to you what I term to be "The Principal Sin."
The philosophy goes something like this: to the mind of an extrovert, there are few things in the world more energizing than spending time with a group of people. There doesn't necessarily have to be something interesting going on, merely the act of spending time with people that I like is enough to energize and envigorate me. Granted, I will always take a choice to add more interesting people to the group and the option of doing something fascinating with that group... but failing that, I'm just a big fan of chatting with a group of my friends... who I already consider a very entertaining group of people.
By the same token, I tend to find time alone by myself to be very draining. It does tend to be very productive in terms of self-growth and all of that nonsense, but at the same time it is very stressful for me to be engaged in that sort of activity. I would much rather be with some friends... and after a time I become downright miserable if I am forced to spend long periods of time alone by myself.
Granted, there are rare exceptions when I really feel overwhelmed by people and need to get away, but those exceptions are so few and far between that I tend to simply wedge them in my spare time which, though limited, suffices almost all of the time to leave me with a sense of longing to be back with my friends again.
In light of all of this, the Principal Sin that I can commit against my friends is leaving them out. Granted, sometimes we will engage in an activity that some will not want to be involved in, but I pride myself in going to great efforts to attempt ensure that everyone can get in who wants in. By that same token, I expect similar efforts to be undertaken by my friends on my behalf. After all, if I'm willing to undergo the wrath of the entire group to wait for you to show up so you don't get left behind, I would appreciate at least a phone call to tell me when something interesting is happening. After all, I may have been sitting around with nothing to do, and the only reason I had a miserable evening is because you, my friend, didn't see fit to come get me.
Yes, I understand this post is kind of ranting and weaving around... I guess that's because this subject is one of those things that I just take for granted until I realize time and again that some of my friends don't share the same understanding of the topic.
October 19, 2004
I'm Not a Baby-Sitter
So here I sit, in the computer lab, listening to this brat scream her little head off. I really should ask the lady to leave, but I don't see how that could do anything good for me and with my luck, I will get screamed at by her and then have a complaint filed with my boss. So instead, I blog about how much I hate children and post mean things about them:
"Never raise your hand to your children -- it leaves your midsection unprotected."
-- Robert Orben
An S*P comic just for children.
October 18, 2004
In Honor of Monday
You know you're in trouble when...
(1) You wake up face down on the pavement.
(2) Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
(3) You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
(4) Your twin sister forgot your birthday.
(5) You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then remember that you don't have a waterbed.
(6) Your doctor tells you you're allergic to chocolate.
October 16, 2004
Idea Theft
There once was a man who went to a computer trade show. Each day as
he entered, the man told the guard at the door:
"I am a great thief, renowned for my feats of shoplifting. Be
forewarned, for this trade show shall not escape unplundered."
This speech disturbed the guard greatly, because there were millions
of dollars of computer equipment inside, so he watched the man carefully.
But the man merely wandered from booth to booth, humming quietly to himself.
When the man left, the guard took him aside and searched his clothes,
but nothing was to be found.
On the next day of the trade show, the man returned and chided the
guard saying: "I escaped with a vast booty yesterday, but today will be even
better." So the guard watched him ever more closely, but to no avail.
On the final day of the trade show, the guard could restrain his
curiosity no longer. "Sir Thief," he said, "I am so perplexed, I cannot live
in peace. Please enlighten me. What is it that you are stealing?"
The man smiled. "I am stealing ideas," he said.
-- Geoffrey James, "The Tao of Programming"
October 13, 2004
At A Loss For Words
I think this cartoon pretty much sums up my views on what to do when I run out of obnoxious things to say.
October 12, 2004
I Hate Spam
Just when I thought that the comment spam wasn't going to get any worse, I start getting offers like these:
Now granted, I am not a purveyor of links of this variety, but that is not to say that I am totally opposed to the entreprenurial efforts of such web content providers. In short, that sort of thing will sell regardless, and in such a case I cannot cast aspersions on the fact that someone will sell it because someone will buy it. However, I will not be party to such ad sales unwillingly, much less on a pro bono basis. It just isn't right, on too many levels to count.
October 11, 2004
17th Century Spaceflight
Apparently Oliver Cromwell's cousin had this great idea to build a "space chariot" using gunpowder, springs and wings. Sadly, it never took off.
October 07, 2004
Got Free Speech?
Aren't you glad you're not in France? I just find it mildly ironic that the French have the audacity to look down on America where we have protected freedom of religious expression and a criminal law system that assumes you are innocent until proven guilty.
October 06, 2004
The Eternal Treadmill
Where has the Cynic gone?
Well... first off, I've had a lot of work to do lately and it really doesn't show many signs of slowing up. When I get past the 15 hours or so of work I do each week, I have 18 hours of classes. When I get past the 18 hours of classes and the associated 30 horus of homework, I get to my time with my friends. When I have spent time with my friends, I try (with a disturbing lack of success, lately) to spend some time with Anna. And when that is done, I try to sleep.
If I had any time left over, I would blog. Sadly, between an exegesis, two programming projects, grading, a take-home test, psych journals, bible journals and two tests, I really haven't had much time to blog. Oh yeah... did I mention I was sick all weekend?
Not that I want pity... I just want to remind those readers who seem to have more time to post of what life is like for the rest of us.