Vengeful Cynic

Public Service Announcement

Alright, most of you use AOL Instant Messenger, or aim to communicate, right? Good... and that means that most of those (maybe even all) know that one can put up away messages to indicate one's status as not present and to then expound and give details about one's whereabouts and when one is expected to return. Some, like myself, tend to be a bit lax in noting locale... but considering that I don't get to return to my abode at various points throughout the day, I think we can excuse myself along with the other working members of the SC. That said, my away message does typically convey when I am abed or at work... as do most of ours. Alright, so Ardith's always says 'asleep', Anna's laptop just logs her off when she goes to bed, and I'm not sure that Leatherwood even has AIM... but the point stands!

On the other hand, away messages on campus are getting unruly to the point of approaching utter uselessness. For the first part, could someone make Jared and Randy actually log on? That would be awesome... as I don't even have a way to leave them messages if they don't ever bother to log on or even to make contact with my appointed message-bearers. Beyond those two delinquents... would someone please tell Barbour that if you're going to post a whole poem/song/paragraph/chapter in your away message, it would be really nice to know where the crap you are. And Sharpton, the whole song, complete with repetition and chorus notations, isn't really necessary... just excerpt a couple of lines... or maybe even a paragraph. Come on people, get ahold of yourselves... I want to know vaguely where you are, maybe even specifically. I like the poignant stuff in the away messages... but 25 lines is probably too long.

Oh... note to Uncle Doug, the Old Testament is feeling left out.

If anyone is wondering who the people to model after are, I would go with Martinez if you feel like being witty and posting long-ish stuff in your away message, Wilson if you're feeling a little witty but very terse, and Ma Hoyt if you want up-to-the-minute updates with only a slightly canned feel to them.

That's all for now. Keep those away messages in line or you will be hearing from me. Don't make me come down there with a club, Wheeler.

TP Massacre

Every now and again, I need proof that the human race is continuing on its downward trajectory. Well... "need" is an awfully strong word, but I sometimes want amusement at the expense of humanity... even if there must be carnage to appease me. Franklin Crow has delivered. Now, to be fair... I didn't demand fatalities... but considering that the deceased pulled a gun to resolve his half of the argument, it's probably best that both die. Mmmm.... chlorinating the gene pool. I approve.

Class/Alignment

Thanks to Wheeler and Sharptor for passing along this gem:

I Am A: Lawful Evil Elf Mage Bard

Alignment:
Lawful Evil characters believe that a nice, orderly system of life is perfect for them to abuse for their own advancement. They will work within 'the system' to get the best that they can for themselves.

Race:
Elves are the eldest of all races, although they are generally a bit smaller than humans. They are generally well-cultured, artistic, easy-going, and because of their long lives, unconcerned with day-to-day activities that other races frequently concern themselves with. Elves are, effectively, immortal, although they can be killed. After a thousand years or so, they simply pass on to the next plane of existance.

Primary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.

Secondary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.

Deity:
Velsharoon is the Neutral Evil god of necromancy, liches, and undeath. He is also known as the Vaunted, the Archmage of Necromancy, and the Lord of the Forgotten Crypt. His followers practice the necromantic arts, and raise the dead to do their bidding. His symbol is a crowned skull.

Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

Identity Crisis

Apparently Napoleon wasn't a striking enough figure for Italian Prime Minister Silvio Belusconi to stick with comparing himself to... so he promoted himself to "the Jesus Christ of politics" on Saturday night. Yes, that's right, Mr. Belusconi, after having decided that only Napoleon had done more for Italy than himself, has moved on to Deity.

Opposition Party member Giuseppe Giulietti's response that “God the Father and the rest of Jesus’ family did not take this very well” is quite amusing... but in the end, I'm just waiting for Belusconi to take up the role of Teddy Roosevelt.

Modem != DVD Burner

Cynic: Hello?
Customer on Phone: Hey! Y'all done work on my modem and now my DVD burner done kickin DVD's out instead o' burnin' 'em, and was workin' too!
Cynic: I'm sorry ma'am, could I get your name and number? (We haven't done any modem work that I'm aware of in some time)

*Customer gives name and number* ...yeah, she's not in the system, must have been sometime last year.

Cynic: Ma'am, I'm sorry, you're not in the new system... could you tell me when we did that work on your computer?
Customer: Sho' am been a couple o' months... ain't been no year, but it's been a couple o' months.
Cynic: And we did work on your DVD Burner?
Customer: No! I done told you that! You worked on my modem!
Cynic: Ma'am, when did your DVD burner start kicking out DVDs.
Customer: Been about a week or two now.
Cynic: Ma'am, being as that the work we did on your computer was on your modem and being as that it was some months between when this work was done and when your DVD Burner started acting up, I can hardly see how they're related.
Customer: Oh... I see. Well, I guess I'll call the people that made the burner. Mebbe they be more help den you!
Cynic: Have a nice day ma'am.

Anti-Social

An interesting point I'm coming to notice about myself is that while I am one of the most extroverted people I know, I like to deal with people on my terms. Which is why, at the end of the day, I start feeling anti-social towards the people who bother me at work. No, not my friends who come to bother me at work... but the customers and potential customers who actually do bother me at work.

You see, I've been criticized frequently in the past by my more amicable and socially conscious friends for intentionally excluding those with whom I do not get along. In short, given a chance to interact with 15 people, I will befriend those who are intelligent (insofar as my prejudiced gauge of intelligence goes, anyhow), entertaining, and at least marginally socially adjusted and will begin to, almost subconsciously, attempt to alienate the people whose combined indices of annoying and stupid eclipse my preset tolerance for such things. Ideally, I am left with a group of people who I really like to be around and have managed to evacuate the area of people who I really hate being around. If you've ever seen me in action, you have to admit I'm pretty good at it. Probably not something I should be proud of... but it works... much to the irritation of my wife.

In any event, the problem with work is that, no matter how annoying customers are, you just can't go running them off. They're paying you money, after all... and that's a big part of actually doing business. Now, I'm lucky in my particular business in that stupid usually has a very low shelf life in my store. The corollary to stupidity is that someone who knows almost nothing about everything usually hasn't specialized all of his handful of brain cells into any one thing... usually. The rare exception to this corollary gives me more headaches than you will ever know.

But yeah, so stupid and annoying come into my store on a fairly regular basis... and I can't drive them off. This typically results in an increase in my angst and a decrease in my social nature, to the point that when I get off of work, I usually just want to lash out and stab someone. I still want to see my friends... but I really don't want to deal with anyone outside of that group.

Cynic the misanthrope... go figure.