Vengeful Cynic

Don't Let the Terrorists Win

Remember: If you don't dress as a gorilla today, the terrorists win.

ReFencing

When one attempts to get back to blogging regularly, the best way to do it is by posting all of the wonderful things one has found and failed to blog... at least that works for me:

Biggest DeadPool Party

Actually... it's mostly just a party planned to celebrate the death of one man: Fidel Castro. Way to go Miami... which even went so far as to establish a commission to figure out a theme, t-shirts, musicians and party duration. I do believe that this is the first time I've ever heard of a whole city planning a party to mark the death of a world leader since WWII. Apparently, the party has been in the works for some time but someone figured that with Fidel's death apparently looming, someone ought to actually make some plans.

Blame Canada

Apparently the Canadian government is currently considering whether or not to make children wear helmets while sledding. It is currently just a recommended guideline for sledding by Health Canada (the Canadian federal board of health.) I mean, I understand the risks of hitting one's head on stuff... but honestly... what's next? Rollbars for the sleds?

The Great Phallic Fence

Apparently in the Hindu faith, the Shiva Linga (read: giant penis) is a symbol of fertility and good fortune, depending on who you ask. So the proprietor of The Sappaya Spa in the town of Phuket (I'm not making this up) decided that a fence made of 18 giant penises would bring good fortune from Shiva.

Understandably, the neighbors and members of this mostly-Buddhist village were none too pleased that the Spa, which was located near the entrance to town, was sporting such a... noticeable fence. Complaints flooded in and the owner of the fence has decided to transform the phalluses into lotus blossoms.

Pachelbel Ranting

This video was passed to me by a musician friend of mine. You don't need to be a musician to appreciate it... I find it funny and I can bearly play "Hot Cross Buns."

All the News

... that probably wasn't fit to print. But it's sure funny.

Plow:1 Old Lady:0 City of Denver:$150

Apparently, in Denver, it is against the law to fail to clear your sidewalks within 24 hours of them being covered... a crime punishable by a $150 fine the first time and $500 for repeat offenses.

What if you're a little old lady and can't shovel your sidewalk on your own? Better hire help.

What if you've already hired help and the plows pushed more snow on your sidewalks?
Oops. 24 hours... or else.

"Hold it for Just a Few More Miles"

Apparently radio people at a station in Sacramento thought it would be a good idea to get some contestants, give them water and see who could hold it in for the longest. The winner gets a Nintendo Wii. The name of this charming contest? “Hold your wee for a Wii.”

It's all good... until SOMEBODY DIES. There's some good PR.

Did you know that you could die of water poisoning? I didn't.

Tasers FTW

Last but not least is this little gem which notes that giving stun guns to Houston police seems to not have had the desired effect: namely that police use their deadly guns less likely in favor of the stun-guns?

The actual effect? Well... normal shootings are following pre-existing trends but stun-gun shootings are sharply on the rise. Oh... and get this: Houston police officers have used Tasers more than 1,000 times in the past two years. But in 95 percent of those cases, they were not used to defuse situations in which suspects wielded weapons and deadly force clearly would have been justified. Oh... and in over 350 of those, no suspect was charged. That's right... over 1/3 of the time, Houston police officers are tasering people who aren't breaking any laws. That's just awesome.

This Space Reserved

Alright Jared, since the boat has apparently sailed, I won't bother with my critique of Stranger than Fiction.

Wait a second... why am I dictating the course of my response on the terms of the whiny film critic into whom it took us 2 years to beat a healthy respect for Citizen Kane?

So there will be a critique here when I feel like it. But for the record and while I'm at it, while there are some definite differences in shade of meaning between the proper genre of "Romantic Comedy" and the sub-genre of "Chick Flick", these differences are neither so pronounced nor so important as to merit a 7-paragraph diatribe on Jared's part. Full of anger, that one is.

Why Do Scientists Hate America?

Did you know that scientists who want to convert the country to metric actually hate America and Freedom? SI is for pussies and Europeans... stick with the American tradition of English measurement.

Compulsory metrication is undemocratic. Who ever asked you if you wanted the metric system? Our traditional, customary American weights and measures are units that we know and use easily. Miles, feet, gallons, quarts etc. are units that we are comfortable with. They are part of our heritage. Metrication will not only destroy part of our cultural inheritance, it will mean that a large percentage of Americans will be cut off from understanding measurement. The metric system is already creeping into the USA. Our way of measuring is under threat by Europeans.... fight back!

Amazing

So... you're a single guy looking to meet attractive, professional ladies. The dating scene isn't working out so you pay $1000 to join a club that proposes to fix you up with women such as those described earlier. Instead, you find yourself hooking up with ugly waitresses and the like. The next logical step is clearly a lawsuit, propelling yourself into the local news as a desperate, single 36-year-old who needs to pay $1000 to meet women. I probably would have gone with a different strategy.

Longview Vacation

Wilson crashed here last night after we sat up for a while and chatted about his graduate program and the politics attendant thereto. I had to get up entirely too early to drive Anna to school... oh, the joys of only having one car.

Anyways, so Wilson and I got out the door, grabbed some breakfast and tried to get Wheeler up for LAMP. Turns out that Wheeler didn't want to be on time, so Wilson and I went on ahead (stopping briefly in the Ice Cave for me to actually eat breakfast) to a fortuitously-timed Friday LAMP... with Dr. Batts 'officiating.'

I honestly didn't know that Dr. Batts could talk for such a short stretch of time, as the homily he gave was short even by Episcopal standards. Now, granted, it was a homily filled with Batts-style repetition ("Did you know that we're in the Church season of Epiphany?"), but I was amazed at its brevity.

After chapel, the SC descended upon Heath-Hardwick as is our custom. Oh... and Dr. K has discovered that he has access to the old CPI forums. That's right, the halcyon days of yore are with us again. I'll be attempting to log on and recover those in the days ahead.

So, taunting Dr. Woodring, K and Johnson was jolly good fun... but there was lunch to be had. Off to Joe's with the Wheelers and Wilson, where we met with my friend Luis and his girlfriend. Lunch was good, as Joe's always is.

Back to campus, where Gallagher finally arrived. With the four of us together in the Ice Cave for the first time since Wilson and Wheeler graduated, we decided to capitalize on the oppurtunity and forcibly eject the usurpers. Actually, we didn't... after all, Randy's art would have gone with him, and I must admit that it's a far sight more attractive than the old matador painting. Not that I mind the matador... but it's not exactly high-quality.

Oh... remember how I dropped my wife off at school? Turns out, she wanted to be picked up at the end of a hard day of work. So we did... except that we went by way of the loop... where there was a train. The train wasn't just crossing the road, the train was stopped... and showing no signs of moving. So we back-tracked and ended up being a bit late picking up Anna. Yay for stupid Longview.

After retrieving my wife, we returned to our apartment so Wilson could grab another shower before enduring his 30-some hour train trek. I've always thought there ought to be nicer train services for people who don't want to endure the railway version of Greyhound... but that's just me. After that, we joined the rest of the crew for a bite to eat and then we sent Wilson on his way to Chicago and on through to Syracuse. Send him an email if you get a chance... it's a long train ride.

The evening was finished out by playing cards at the Wheeler abode and going to see Stranger than Fiction with the Wheelers and the Dirty Old Man. I'll probably write about Stranger than Fiction later... but suffice to say that it more or less boils down to a more-amusing-than-usual chick flick. While I was hoping for something more, as a chick flick, one could do far, far worse. But Will Ferrell in a chick flick? That's just messed up.

Visitations by Wilson

So Wilson is in Longview until tomorrow. After an enjoyable but all-too-brief lunch with Wilson, Wheeler, Dr. Johnson and Dr. Watson, I find myself back at work, grinding away.

Word has it that Wilson is haunting the HHH offices even as we speak. We'll probably do a bit more of that tomorrow where I'll be taking a day off to enjoy with Wilson and Wheeler. I hear that Gallagher will even be driving in from Greenville to mark the occasion.

No More Idiots

Just so you know, the word "idiot" may be cut from the New Jersey Constitution due to its status as "outdated, vague, offensive to many and may be subject to misinterpretation." As of right now New Jersey doesn't allow idiots to vote... and I find it peculiar that anyone is lobbying for a reversal of that policy. But that's just me.

Just So Everyone Knows

The headline reads like this: "Santa Butt beer ban gets reversed in Maine"

I just wanted everyone to know that beer labels with large butts and uncovered breasts on them are back in the good up in Maine. Just so you know.

Working at Wal-Mart

I honestly can't believe that anyone would want to work at Wal-Mart... but apparently they still have workers. Apparently, now Wal-Mart wants to arbitrarily schedule those workers at random shifts during the week based on Wal-Mart's scheduling needs. From all indications, this comes with no pay increase or added benefits... just the joy of working for Wal-Mart.

Now, as a fiscal conservative and a pro-business fellow, I'm not a huge fan of the union mentality. In my opinion, the modern workplace is full of unions that work to the detriment of business for the benefit of union members who have paid the most dues. That said, I'm all for the primary goal of unions, namely: providing better wages, healthcare and benefits for their members than said members could seek on their own.

Wal-Mart is scared to death of unions, and with good reason. Ask any Wal-Mart employee: they are treated like shit, their pay is less than comparable employees working for other stores, management uses cheesy gimmicks to avoid providing full-time benefits for many workers, and the list goes on. Any one of those things would be a good reason for Wal-Mart workers to unionize... all of them combine for a scenario where it's just a matter of time. Don't ask me to make bets on when, but I can see it happening.

Like I said, normally, modern unions just make me sick. But in this case, I'd help out in the organization drive.

The Joys of Microsoft

So this morning I said to myself, "Self, I think I'd like to listen to some music today." So I went over and hooked up the NAS that we keep in the back that has some 70 GB of music on it (all legal, of course.) Now, because I'm lazy and didn't want to go hunt down the network name or address of the NAS (which is necessary to get the music) I figured I'd just use the UPnP (Universal Plug and Play... it's a network service that lets you use network stuff seamlessly like it was on your computer) functionality on the NAS to my advantage. Problem is, Windows XP frequently doesn't install and enable UPnP by default... so I went and found the install option and started it... and then it asked for the XP disk. Well... I was kinda busy at the moment and didn't have the disk handy, so I cancelled the install so as to get back to it later. And that's where the fun began.

Upon cancelling the install, most of my network functionality ceased. I could open up the remote share on the server, but I couldn't use web browsers and I couldn't use any of my internet-connecting programs... at all. Several hours of attempted fixes later, here I am, reinstalling Windows (after the repair failed.) Granted, given a couple of days, I could probably find a fix... this isn't unfixable. But I don't have the time. This is the one computer in the world that I need working almost all of the time. So here I am... reloading windows. At least this time I'm not installing x64 edition.

Unexplained Absence

It seems that over holidays, I get lazy. Thanksgiving approached, and I went AWOL. Christmas came, and I did likewise. Bad Cynic.

So... I will be attempting to post daily. The thing about getting behind is that once you get backlogged, you're reluctant to catch up. Maybe I'll back-date to the first of the year and make it a New Year's resolution to post daily. Yeah... I think I'll do that.