Vengeful Cynic

Educate US Americans and Fix The Iraq

I ought to start a charity for this. Geographers for American Education and Fixing The Iraq.

Feel free to copy this and send a link back to me. Also, if you've got a better one, send me a link. In fact, I will happily send candy to the best banner I get with lesser prizes going to other amusing entries.

Come on people, get maps in the hands of US Americans and save The Iraq.

Enriching Hearts and Minds

Anyone who claims that Beauty Pageants promote scholarship needs to watch this video of Miss Teen South Carolina. She got 4th place overall.

Idealogical Self-Deception

A friend of mine sent me to Conservapedia where I found this:

I screenshotted it given the transient nature of wikis. Anyone who could read that and not get a bit ill in his stomach needs a boot to the head. Anyone who could write that with a straight face... well... yeah.

Best Book Cover Ever

If I ever write a book (and I hope I do), I would like a title and cover comparable in excellence and awesomeness to this one:

Moving Redux Redux... etc.

Dear Wheeler,

This letter is to inform you that you have officially used up all of your allotted relocations for the next two (2) years. My back is sore, my arms likewise, ditto on my legs and even on my hands, feet and head. Also, I feel this would be an appropriate time to remind you that my rates increase significantly with the accrual of personal property but can be easily mitigated by the provenance of additional movers. In other words: you need to procure some more friends with pronounced musculature.

Regards,

The Cynic

PS While I appreciated the vast array of good food to which I was availed, I am specifically writing "must be fed Mexican food at least once" into my next contract. That is all.

The AG Has Left the Building

That's right, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is resigning. And it couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

Look, I was never a fan of Ashcroft, but I really felt like he was an honest guy who just had some opinions that were diametrically opposed to mine. Yes, I would have had a hard time voting for him, but I really never felt like he was a crooked Machiavellian sort who wanted to further his own agenda at the expense of the nation. Maybe that's just my gut feeling... but with Ashcroft, it always seemed like there were bigger fish to fry. Like Alberto Gonzales.

Even back in 2002 when he was the White House Counsel, Gonzales was the one advocating the use of torture and attempting to plumb the legal gray area that would make it work. His track record has only gotten worse since he was appointed to the Office of the Attorney General. His interviews before Congress make a mockery of the Justice Department and it becomes plainly apparent in the manner that he comports himself that he feels that the Executive Department's agenda should be subject to no oversight and certainly no accountability.

To say that I am pleased that he's leaving office is a gross understatement. While some were concerned by Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, I find Attorney General Alberto R Gonzales to be a far more dangerous and insidious character and look forward to the hearing regarding his replacement (a largely meaningless proceeding to be sure, but sure to be fun, nonetheless) with bated breath.

Just... Wow

I haven't had an honest to God warped link in a while. I mean, I've had some special stories and stuff, but not an authentic warped link. Well, I'm making up for it in this one link.

Moan My IP

Yes... that's right... they have pre-recorded a phone sex operator or something moaning numbers in a sultry voice. So do you want to find out your external IP address in a unique way? Check it out.

The Authority on Longview Cable TV

Did you know that for a while, I was the first result on a Google search for "Longview Cable"? I'm still number three or four (depending on how you count the nested link to Longview/Kilgore Cable's contact link... but I digress. As you will note if you click on the above search, this very well-visited entry is not very complimentary of LCTV's capacity as a provider of internet services. And while I really can't complain about their capabilities in providing television, I felt that it was time that I reiterate that Longview Cable TV still sucks.

As Randy and Jared can both attest, the internet has been spotty over the course of the summer with frequent and inexplicable downtimes of varying lengths, lasting maybe 5 minutes or as much as a day. And when the internet does go down, a call to Cablelynx (Longview Cable's internet provider) tech support rarely yields anything other than a wonderful message that goes something like this, "We are currently experiencing technical difficulties in your area and hope to return internet service to normal within three to four hours."

Of course, it's not like I really have a whole lot of options. I happen to know that AT&T (formerly SBC) is just as bad, if not worse. I might go with ClearWire at some point in the future as I've been hearing rave reviews, they're a national company, and as an up-and-coming company, they are beholden to offer superior support to what the incumbent provides.

But really, since I keep getting these pageviews regarding Longview/Kilgore Cable Television, I figured I'd put up a couple more posts of information and attempt to educate more of the locals about the dangers of companies owned/operated by hicks attempting to provide "new-fangled" services like internet.

Of Breaking Laws and Immunity

I was running down my standard reading for the morning and imagine my surprise when I discovered that National Intelligence Director Mitch McConnell admits that Verizon, AT&T and others have happily tapped their customers phones at the behest of the various US Intelligence Agencies. And since they've done that, Mr. McConnell suggests that they should be given immunity for their patriotism. Which is all well and good, with the exception of one very important point: THEY BROKE THE FUCKING LAW.

Now, with apologies to my wife and others with more sensitive sensibilities who read this, why on Earth would we even consider pardoning those who would BREAK LAWS to spy on American citizens. Never mind that I'm sure they would argue that their motives are pure as the driven snow, getting warrants is hard, the secret courts are intractable and that the FISA (The Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act) is inadequate, etc, etc, etc... we are a nation of laws.

Really, what I'm reading is that the National Intelligence Director is saying, "Our processes are antiquated and inadequate and rather than spend the time to suggest valid and much-needed improvements to those processes while maintaining existing oversight, we just went directly to the telcos and got them to help us end-run federal law. But since they're good, patriotic companies, you shouldn't punish them just because they broke the law." This all sounds vaguely reminiscent of another time period in American history where a threat to national security loomed so large that we couldn't possibly be bothered by legalities in our intelligence agencies.

Long story short, I find this whole business terribly troubling and doubly so that President Bush seems to expect the American people to trust that he's got our best interests at heart, we should trust him to know what he's doing, and that his people are equally above reproach and should just be given carte blanche because they love America and wouldn't ever do anything but what's best for America. Frankly, this sort of Machiavellian nonsense where, "trust me, the ends justify the means" would have troubled me in the past and with the advent of Iraq and all of the things that have come out since then, it seems painfully obvious that there is a substantial period of time where this administration hasn't the slightest idea what it's doing. And they want us to let them do whatever they feel is best without the slightest bit of oversight.

Take That, Apple

Ultimate Crazy Cat Lady

The One True Cat Lady

Odd News

It might have been a while since I've posted... but mostly, I'm putting these odd links up because that's what I do. Not to mention that some of these were just too good to pass up.

Public Service Announcement

Before I get into my warped links and videos though, I'd just like to repeat a public service announcement forwareded to me by the city of Raleigh, North Carolina: If you are in the area of Raleigh and you are approached by street vendors peddling lingerie, call the police. Turns out, there are about $35,000 worth of bras and panties out for sale on the streets that were stolen from area Victoria's Secret stores and police have no leads. Seriously people, buying stolen lingerie is a crime if you know it's stolen... and what honest businessman sells thongs out of the trunk of a car anyways?

Public Nuisance

Continuing on in the bent of good civic-mindedness... say that you work at a day care center... and you look out the window and see a strange car parked out front. That in and of itself is cause for a bit of concern... and then you notice that said car is rocking and the two occupants are engaged in... well... creating new customers for your day care. Amusing as that is, better still is when you call the police and the police arrive, only to find that the occupants are far too busy getting after it to even notice for a couple of minutes. As a friend of mine noted, "Looking at those mug shots, they look like such intelligent people. I don't know how they made that mistake."

The Things We Do For Love

On the topic of dumb things done for a woman's affections, we go to Hawaii. When cops tell you to do something, I don't care how much you want to do otherwise, do it. Or suffer the consequences. So, if officers have already told you twice not to ring the silly little bell on your bike unless you want a ticket for violating the noise ordinance, and it's 2 am, don't let the girl ring your bell. Just don't do it. Or you might end up like this guy, who got fined $572 by the local judge. Of course the judge could have been a bit more lenient, but some people just have no appreciation for love.

Why Wilson Travels Amtrak

You just thought Wilson rode the train to avoid flying. Turns out, they're giving frequent rail passengers a $100 credit for booze as a promotion to ride in the GrandLuxe cabins. If Wilson's not travelling GrandLuxe, he certainly needs to be. Hey Wilson, where do I get my train tickets? Even at $6 or $7 per drink and probably $30 to $40 per bottle of wine, $100 is enough to finance a VERY diverting passage by train.

I Only Thought Lake City Was Crazy

Apparently, the mayor of Federal Heights was recently tried and acquitted of criminal complicity in illegal lap-dances being performed in a strip club in his town while he was mayor. As a side-note, mayor Dale Sparks was also employed as the bouncer at said strip club while he was mayor, hence the criminal charges. Wow... compared to Federal Heights, Lake City is a tame and normal town in Colorado.
Oh wait, it gets better. You see, first, he was moonlighting as a bouncer because his job as mayor doesn't pay enough. Secondly, he was the "doorman" (read: enforcer/bouncer) and at the same time, had a bad hip... and nobody suspected that there was something untoward with a crippled mayor working as a bouncer at a strip club? And lastly, the prosecution had a video tape of the mayor walking (hobbling) by the bar while patrons were getting lap dances and yet he got acquitted of complicity? Is he blind too and nobody thought to mention that?

German Avant-Garde Film Editing

This little gem is just too good to pass up. Check it out... and watch it straight through... remember, this is all live action being video-taped in one take.