As another example of why I shouldn't be given free time nor allowed the notion that I have money or the ability to spend it, I present you with the Shadow Council Foundation and the attendant Shadow Council Scholarship for Academic Malfeasance and Troublemaking Excellence. The as-yet-unfunded Committee would be started with the noble goal of providing scholarships to invididuals as chosen by the august members of the Scholarship Committee.
Obviously, members of the Committee would refuse to give scholarships to anyone who would willingly answer the question "What is your favorite color and how does it make you feel?" And beyond the sheer entertainment value of seeking out the next generation of subversives and intellectual malcontents, we get to give money to further the educations of the most remarkable of students.
Of course, there IS the small issue of money. But that, my friends, is where patience and compound interest comes in.
I've availed myself of some small calculations and if we assume (for ease of simplicity) that there are 10 of us, each submits $100 a year and we invest in growth-stock mutual funds with an annual 12% rate of return, 10 years will get our little fund up to $15,000. Obviously we'd need more money than that, but I'd like to think that at some point along the way, members could give more money and perhaps we could recruit some more affluent donors. Also, if we could get this organization some proper tax-exempt status, we could avail ourselves of the possibility of making a nice proper tax shelter for Wilson and Martinez when they both strike it rich as authors.
Honestly, I think the question you have to ask yourselves is "Why wouldn't we want our own scholarship contest?"
Seriously. If you haven't voted yet, get out there and get to it.
I believe that this public service announcement is the first I've made in a while, so I've got some other public services to offer. Namely, as Thanksgiving approaches and the hunters among us go out to hunt, check out Season Shot. It truly boggles the mind.
Oh, and lastly... vote Kinky. Why the Hell Not?
Being as that it's been a while since I've conducted a campaign of retribution against a friend of mine, I am curious if some modern implements of warfare have been developed. This is also a chance for the truly clever and resourceful pranksters who read this blog to showcase their talents and brag about past exploits (anonymously as necessary.) Yes, I'm fishing for prank/taunting ideas to add to my repertoire... and yes, I'm about to drop payback on an obnoxious and deserving friend of mine who has offended the natural order of things and begged me to come give her a treat of the Cynic's Sympathies.
Upon linking up MoM Gullman and Paige's Mom (I'm not sure what to even call her... Mrs. Garner seems too formal and calling peoples' moms by their first names doesn't work either) I have realized that I lack clever (read: subtly insulting) names for their links.
Thus, I am forced into the unhappy solution of straightforward links... a solution I hope to rectify. This forces one of two solutions:
1) Their progeny must say entertaining things about them, (embarassing stories are allowed) and I will use such entertaining quotations to craft meaningful link titles.
2) Other people must say entertaining things about them, (embarassing stories still allowed) and I will judge and declare the worthiest anecdote, quip, joke, pun, or other amusement to be the winner.
As a matter of fact, I shall combine the two groups... and declare the "Mock Your Mom" contest.
The rules are simple: don't offend the Cynic, amuse him instead. The four winners (let's not leave the other mothers out) will receive a care package of my choosing. I take no responsibility for those who may potentially be disowned or removed from the family will: you participate at your own risk. Submittor beware.
Hey Moore, FOOD.
Are shorts pants? There is an ongoing debate as to whether or not they are. And if shorts are not pants, what are they?
So on our long trek back from Lake City, we had an idea as we hit the DFW area. Actually, it started when we got turned around on one of those damned Ft. Worth roads and Eric stated in frustration, "I need to send the mayor of Fort Worth a post card that says 'I hate your town.'"
This started the wheels of my mind turning and I have come to this conclusion: we should pick 25 or 50 towns that we think suck and figure out who we should send post-cards to that say something like "Your town is the most worthless place in the world." We also need to put a return address on them so that we can get a response, and then we wait and see what happens. I'm more than willing to go in with others, if we can get some more participants. But right now, I need towns.
Here's what we have so far: (note: not all of these were suggested by me)
Longview, TX
Newark, NJ
Arroyo Seco, NM
Fort Worth, TX
Mount Enterprise, TX
Marshall, TX
Jonesville, NY
Hamilton, OH
Miamisburg, OH
Oxnard, CA
El Paso, TX
Mobile, AL
Baton Rouge, LA
Wheeling, WV
Well... I've been too long between updating Links. I really don't particularly care for my page layout and I'm sure I'm missing links. Volunteers to help with the former or suggestions for links that I should include, comment... please.
Yet another groggy post from the land of "5 minutes before work." You'll note that at least it's on time this morning, but that's not the point...
I'm going to be asking for a bit of help on the contributions to warped links for the next 2 weeks. I'm going to be home and ostensibly spending less time on my computer, less time posting, and more time out with friends. Granted, I'm sure my brothers will be able to contribute some warped links but there are only so many of the same sites about retards that you want to see... believe me. To that end, be sure to send me odd links that you come across (especially if you wouldn't post them yourself but think I would) and I'll see that they get posted and you get credit.
If your summer job is providing you more cash than you usually see during an entire school year, take some time and a few bucks to donate to repairing Dunny and Hellmuth's cars. Oh, and if you have any information on the "glue-sniffing asshole" I'm sure Dunny would love to hear about it.
The Cynic Will Exact Vengeance Upon: People Lazier than I
Give me quotes and links that I might enjoy and be inspired. At this point I'm almost willing to link to crappy flash animations. And that would be sad.
Oh, and none of you managed to come up with a good quote of the week (or good enough) and so I'm going to have to come up with one myself... what kind of lazy bastards are you?
All you have to do is come up with a good quote for me to use. How hard is this?
Out of general amusement and lack of anything better to put up (generally)... I have decided upon a new idea... a contest of sorts. Whoever comes up with the best quote or thought for the week needs to send it to me and you can have a free mountain dew. I figure that the amusement out of this is worth the $.50 it's going to cost me. If everyone's ideas suck, nobody gets the dew. Starting immediately and running until (about) next friday afternoon.
Now, on to the first order of business... It has been brought to my attention that the vast lot of you are supposedly of an intellectually superior stock (at least the variety that blogs and read blogs), so I have a question for the masses. What is to be done about the state of affairs around here, if anything? Is anyone else dissatisfied with the censorship and stifling of any dissent on campus, the coverup of the administration of any unpopular information, and the wanton abuse of students who don't fit into the "mold", while at the same time blowing sunshine and happy thoughts in the ears of those students who fit the "Ideal LeTourneau Student"?
Can we really do anything at all, or is it all just a big happy thought? Can we do anything about the school giving away our money to fund Impact dinners at Olive Garden and The Outback Steakhouse while at the same time telling us that they don't have the money to finance basic costs of many extracurriculars.
Oh yes, and what to do about Senate....